bend

“You people astound me! You’re talking about… what the hell are you talking about? This...

Wed, 22 May 2013 00:30:29 -0400

“You people astound me! You’re talking about… what the hell are you talking about? This is work! This place is on fire and the firemen are coming and the firemen are coming to put bullets in our heads! You’re talking about your kids and your social lives and how nice it is to have a salad at the Pierre like you’re on A St. with a big dick in your hand and tittes in your mouth. SHUT UP… You hear that? That’s the sound of Amazon taking tittes out of your mouth. “
No one at Hammacher-Schlemmer had ever given a speech such as this.

You know how in movies sometimes there is a character who has been repressing a bunch of emotions...

Mon, 20 May 2013 00:30:25 -0400

You know how in movies sometimes there is a character who has been repressing a bunch of emotions for a while and then experiences an unrelated minor inconvenience that he or she responds to with an inappropriate and mystifying meltdown completely out of proportion to the inconvenience itself?
I just learned that actually happens in real life, too.

Terrible TV show pitch, #1

Sun, 19 May 2013 23:49:45 -0400

When I was a child I used to pitch my dad Hollywood ideas. They were terrible. This is the one that to this day he makes fun of me about.

Int. Kitchen — 1999 — Evening

BEN
Think about prison. Are you doing that?
RICHARD
Yes.
BEN
Men, large ones, small ones, evil ones, innocent ones, all living together. In prison.
RICHARD
Ok.
BEN
Cots, sleeping on them.
RICHARD
I get it.
BEN
I don’t think you do, showering together.
Blank stare.
BEN
Two words: NBC Sitcom.
Blank stare.
BEN
Like Hogan’s Heroes.
RICHARD
But instead of American G.I.s, you have prison inmates?
BEN
Now we’re clicking.
RICHARD
Thieves,
(ben nods along)
Pimps,
BEN
Yep.
RICHARD
Murderers, drug-dealers,
BEN
Uh huh.
RICHARD
Rapists, pedophiles
BEN
Oh yeah.
(Delighted. Richard seems into this idea.)
RICHARD
You now what’s not funny about pedophiles, ben?
(Ben cocks his head)
They fuck children.

The End

Terrible film pitches, No. 1

Sun, 19 May 2013 23:39:14 -0400

Period piece. Germany. 1930s. Two star-crossed kids caught up in a movement the magnitude and evil ambition of which they can’t begin to understand. A love story with a political, historical background. Like Primary Colors and All The King’s Men, Coming this fall, “Adolph & Eva”! Tag: “They deserved each other”

yahoooffical.tumblr.com probably won’t be up long

Sun, 19 May 2013 13:25:14 -0400

yahoooffical.tumblr.com probably won’t be up long

Tumblr this morning IRL

Sun, 19 May 2013 12:52:22 -0400

Tumblr this morning IRL

Business Insider had a stub up on Yahoo buying Tumblr based on a...

Sun, 19 May 2013 12:28:00 -0400

Business Insider had a stub up on Yahoo buying Tumblr based on a WSJ tweet before the Journal had actually even posted their own story.

Update: The Verge, too (via Brian Stelter)

UPDATE 2: Too slow, WSJ. All Things D is now the source for this article

This video of London in 1927 was the best thing I saw on the...

Sun, 19 May 2013 11:54:40 -0400

This video of London in 1927 was the best thing I saw on the Internet this week.

Ext. Somewhere in the Suburbs -- Early Morning

Sun, 19 May 2013 11:51:25 -0400

Officer: “You there! What are you doing with that bear?”
Youth: “It’s not a real bear, officer.”
Officer: “I know that! You think I’ve never seen a teddy bear before? I have kids, a wife, a family! What do you think I sit alone all day with my gun and my badge, a hungry man dinner in front of me, soullessly watching Storage Wars for the umpteenth time, wondering why Cindy went to the prom with “Phil” and why the bigshots at the bank gave him the last available loan to start a make-your-own-pottery-place for the whole year so he and Cindy can take a long weekend with “the fam” at the lake while I have to spend my Monday talking to snot nosed teddy bear owning deviants like some shmuck who can’t get it up, you sonofabitch, Phil” *shoots the teddy bear*
Youth: “Why’d you do that!?!?!”
*lights a cigarette, leans against his police cruiser*
Officer: “Tell it to the ACLU.”
*watches the world burn*

Some people look at this photo and see me warmly embracing my...

Sun, 19 May 2013 11:43:07 -0400

Some people look at this photo and see me warmly embracing my little brother and think awwwwww

I look at at it and think, there’s something devious going on here, but I don’t know what.

How to make the best food in the world, Tabbouleh What...

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 19:05:00 -0400

How to make the best food in the world, Tabbouleh

What you’ll need:

3 bunches of Curly Parsley

1/2 bunch of Italian Parsley

3 bunches of Green Onions

2 large tomatoes

1/2 cup of cracked wheat bulgur

At least 4 lemons

At least 1 cup of olive oil

Cayenne

Optional

Mint

Cilantro

Salt

Step 1. Put 1/2 cup of bulgur in a bowl. Add hot water. I don’t know how much, like enough until it’s submerged. Maybe you boil the water. Maybe you microwave the water. I don’t care. Eventually that water is going to disappear and your bulgur will be fluffy and hot and soft.
Step 2. Put that bowling hot bulgar in the fridge so it can cool down.
Step 3. Dice up 2 tomatoes. It’s up to you how small or how large you want those bits, but I like them like them fairly small, like the size of a thumbnail.
Step 4. Cut up the curly parsley. Don’t use a machine! It’ll cut it too much. But also, don’t be a lazy idiot and cut it up not enough. Cut it right. Which is like medium.
Step 5. Cut up the italian parsley. Same deal as the curly parsley.
Cut up the green onions. You can’t have enough green onions so if you want to add more more add more.
Step 6. Add all those veggies to a bowl.
Step 7 Start juicing lemons. You’re going to need at least 3, but the more the better. It’s pretty tiring though. Maybe do three and then supplement some bottled lemon juice? Who’s gonna know?
Step 8. That bulgur is probably not as hot as it was. Remove it from the fridge and add it to the bowl.
IMPORTANT: The final bowl should look like this this: Mostly Green, then red, then white. Too much bulgur is really a dish killer. Also, you can always add more if you disagree.
Step 9. Toss that shit real good.
Step 10. Maybe add some mint? Not too much though. Just a little. Like a clove or whatever.
Step 11. Pour some cayenne on this baby. Don’t be a pussy. Add enough. You can always add more so maybe not too much.
Step 12. Pour some olive oil on it. I don’t know how much, but again, don’t be a pussy.
Step 13. Now add all that lemon juice.
Step 14. Make sure the juices mix together, then stir it so it’s all wet and tasty with tabbouleh juice.
Step 15. Eat it. Unless it’s still warm from the bulgur, in which case put it back in the fridge. It should be eaten cold.
Step 16. EAT IT ALL. DON’T SHARE
Step 17. Thank me.

This is the best food ever. If you don’t like it, I don’t know what to tell you.

Senator Claire McCaskill: And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. I Corinthians 13

Sun, 24 Mar 2013 21:44:25 -0400

Senator Claire McCaskill: And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. I Corinthians 13:

motherjones:

clairecmc:

The question of marriage equality is a great American debate. Many people, some with strong religious faith, believe that marriage can only exist between a man and a woman. Other people, many of whom also have strong religious faith, believe that our country should not limit the commitment of marriage to some, but rather all Americans, gay and straight should be allowed to fully participate in the most basic of family values.

I have come to the conclusion that our government should not limit the right to marry based on who you love. While churches should never be required to conduct marriages outside of their religious beliefs, neither should the government tell people who they have a right to marry.

My views on this subject have changed over time, but as many of my gay and lesbian friends, colleagues and staff embrace long term committed relationships, I find myself unable to look them in the eye without honestly confronting this uncomfortable inequality. Supporting marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples is simply the right thing to do for our country, a country founded on the principals of liberty and equality.

Good people disagree with me. On the other hand, my children have a hard time understanding why this is even controversial. I think history will agree with my children.

Yeah, that’s a United States senator announcing her support for marriage equality on Tumblr.

chrisgeidner: “Most importantly, every gay person must come...

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 00:24:53 -0400

chrisgeidner:

“Most importantly, every gay person must come out. As difficult as it is, you must tell your immediate family. … Once they realize that we are indeed their children … every myth, every lie, every innuendo will be destroyed once and for all.” - San Francisco City Supervisor Harvey Milk, 1978

Ohio Senator Rob Portman Announces Support For Marriage Equality: “I had a very personal experience, which is that my son came to Jane, my wife, and I and said he was gay and that it was not a choice, and that’s just part of who he is and he’d been that way for as long as he could remember.” - Ohio Sen. Rob Portman, 2013

Video

Sat, 16 Feb 2013 13:20:26 -0500

via @darth

Tue, 12 Feb 2013 23:37:35 -0500

via @darth

Marco Rubio Water Lunge

Tue, 12 Feb 2013 22:47:41 -0500

Marco Rubio Water Lunge

via Gawker

Tue, 12 Feb 2013 22:38:53 -0500

via Gawker

Siri shouldn’t get the good leads

Sat, 19 Jan 2013 17:28:42 -0500

Siri shouldn’t get the good leads

A newly discovered galactic structure is so large that it means...

Tue, 15 Jan 2013 11:26:02 -0500

A newly discovered galactic structure is so large that it means one of our basic assumptions about the nature of the universe could be wrong.

cnet: Haters hate. Happy birthday, iPhone (Quotes taken from...

Wed, 09 Jan 2013 19:24:02 -0500

http://usat.ly/3x08MH

http://cnet.co/2o8GTj

http://bit.ly/aqIYAe

http://bit.ly/aI2vmi

http://tcrn.ch/MGplct

http://bit.ly/N2QzrA

http://bit.ly/pEhpVe

cnet:

Haters hate.

Happy birthday, iPhone

(Quotes taken from actual things these individuals said publicly)